As my seven-year-old son Benny finally drifts off to sleep, I lie beside him in contented bliss.
I read him a bedtime story every night to help him feel sleepy and rarely leave until he drops off.
Until he was four – yes, four – I breastfed him whenever he needed comfort too. I indulged his every whim.
You might assume that Benny is an over-indulged only child. Far from it.
In fact, Benny is the youngest of my five children – all of whom accuse me of holding him in particular esteem as my ‘favourite’ child. Allegations which, of course, I hotly deny.
Because while it may be true that it’s easier to get on with some of your children better than others due to your respective personalities, as a mother you simply have to deny any favouritism – even if all the evidence is there.
Which is why I nearly spat out my tea last week when I heard comedian Katherine Ryan admitting on a podcast, quite openly, that she had a favourite child.
The mother of four explained that her eldest daughter, Violet, 17, who was born before Ryan was rich and famous, is her preferred offspring.
Sybilla Hart with her five children, who she loves and favours equally despite complaints
As a mother you simply have to deny any favouritism – even if all the evidence is there, she says
Sybilla with her youngest, Benny. She says that while she genuinely maintains that she doesn’t have a favourite child, she does fuss over Benny more
She went on to describe her three younger children – Fred, three, Fenna, two, and nine-month-old Holland Juliette – as privileged ‘nepo babies’, explaining that they would grow up enjoying the trappings of her wealth, such as private education.
Whose fault is that? It will be Ryan’s decision if her children attend private school, not theirs. They will only ever grow up to be as spoiled as she, their mother, decides.
Ryan caveated that, given the differences in their childhoods, it was only ‘fair’ that Violet is her favourite. But there’s nothing fair in letting your children know you prefer one over the other.
While I genuinely maintain that I don’t have a favourite child, I can admit that I do fuss over Benny more than my other children.
Partly it’s because he’s significantly younger than the rest: Isaac, 19; Beatrice, 16; Florence, 14, and Celestia, 11.
With the benefit of experience, having had him aged 38 I was able to relax in my parenting Benny much more than I could with my first three tots in my 20s. I had more confidence and trusted my instincts more. I put off sending him to nursery until he was nearly three and a half – a year later than my others went – in order to further bask in the warm glow of his toddlerhood. And I breastfed him for longer, despite having stopped with my others when they were still babies. If I had the time again now I would have done the same for them all.
Sybilla says she spat out her tea after hearing comedian Katherine Ryan admitting she had a favourite child
I suppose part of me is clinging on to having a baby to look after. I always knew that he’d likely be my last.
My older children roll their eyes as I follow him around like a nursemaid from room to room. With them, there was always another child to settle, or clean up after, which meant much less time for play and fussing. But it’s only Benny that really needs me now – the others increasingly consider themselves far too cool and ‘grown up’ for me – which, ironically, has supercharged my maternal instinct.
My offspring aren’t the only ones to pick up on the rather more intense attentions lavished on Benny.
When he was four, Benny broke his arm falling from a rope swing. When we turned up at the hospital, I was white as a sheet, in agony at the thought of Benny in pain. Doctors reassured me that ‘this sort of thing happens with your first child’.
It was rather humbling to admit that he was my fifth and that I was not, in fact, an over-anxious first-time mother.
I’ll admit that my behaviour towards Benny is due to more than him just being an outlet for my frustrated maternal love. With two sons and three daughters, I’ve come to realise that boys are often much more straightforward. Having three secondary school-age girls at once has been a recipe for tears, tantrums and a lot of ‘borrowed’ make-up.
By comparison, boys tend to just get on with it. While they’re more demanding as babies – in my experience, my two boys were hungrier and more active than their sisters – they’re much less emotional. Which in turn makes things less emotional for me.
Perhaps it’s no surprise that my eldest Isaac recently returned from university and announced ‘your second favourite child is home for the summer’.
But, of course, it goes without saying that I love all of my children equally. They make me infinitely proud on a daily basis.
It’s perfectly natural to find some of your offspring easier to get on with than others – especially if they’re still in the ‘I love you, Mummy’ phase, while their older siblings are slamming doors and sneaking out at night.
But if, like Katherine Ryan, you really do have a favourite child, do them a favour and don’t admit it – for your sake and theirs!
