Charlene White has reflected on losing her father to suicide in an emotional Instagram post one year after his death on Monday.
The Loose Women star, 46, announced his death in October 2025 and revealed he tragically died by suicide after ‘living with a dark cloud he couldn’t lift’.
In a raw and heartfelt post, Charlene heartbreakingly opened up about her grieving journey.
Charlene captioned her post: ‘My world now, a year on.
‘In many ways I feel like I failed him, by not knowing what he was going through. I can wish for things to be different a million times, but wishing can’t turn back time.’
In her post, she wrote: ‘A year ago my dad took his own life. I haven’t posted much since, so this is the story of the past 12 months.
‘It’s been quite frankly the worst of my life, but has also taught me the power of love in darkness.’
Charlene White, 46, has reflected on losing her father to suicide in an emotional Instagram post one year after his death on Monday
Charlene revealed she was out partying for a friend’s birthday just hours before she received the call her dad had passed away
Charlene revealed she was out partying for a friend’s birthday just hours before she received the call her dad had passed away.
She explained: ‘Oh my way home, tipsy and laughing with the girls, I voice-noted a friend happy birthday, right before midnight.
‘The phone was still in my hand when the call came. Char, dad’s gone.
‘I jumped out of the car onto the main road, unable to breathe, gasping for air, and fell onto the floor. What do you mean he’s gone?’
Charlene added: ‘And it’s a sadness that sits almost ever-present in the pit of my stomach. Moments he’s missing in his grandkids lives can break me in a second, unexpectedly.
‘I can’t tell you the assemblies, plays and sports matches I’ve sat in an shed a tear. He should be here. Why would you leave this… us… them?
‘Anger, grief, confusion and sadness constantly swirl around in my head.
‘Sometimes it’s overpowering, other times I can throw my energy into pretending it’s not there, but eventually the swirl taps me on the shoulder reminding me it’s the houseguest that’s not leaving, for now.’
The ITV News presenter heartbreakingly admitted she woke up one night crying with ‘tears down her face and a damp pillow’.
‘But life has to continue,’ she wrote. ‘Which feels so cruel… when all you want to do is punch stuff and scream.
‘Instead I go to work, and desperately try to keep it together. Sometimes I pull it off, sometimes I don’t.
In a raw and heartfelt post, Charlene heartbreakingly opened up about her grieving journey
The Loose Women star announced his death in October 2025 and revealed he tragically died by suicide after ‘living with a dark cloud he couldn’t lift’
‘The worst was a panic attack outside work, a colleague managed to stop me from falling to the pavement and held me up as I struggled to breathe.
‘My boss ran out and just held onto me, while regulating my breathing. Over and over again I kept saying “I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry”.
‘For a woman who likes to be in control, having no control over my body’s reaction to grief in unexpected moments has been hard to accept.’
Charlene praised her counselling team at the Suicide and Co charity for ‘holding her hand’ since her father’s death.
She added: ‘Today I choose to speak openly and honestly, because I’m good at planting a smile on my face which can hide 365 days of feeling like your heart is so heavy you can’t get out of bed.
‘Like so many of us living with this grief. And I hope that if someone reading needs help, they talk rather than act. I hope they reach out for help, and don’t make a decision which can’t be reversed.
‘Suicide and Co, The Samaritans and others are there. Please use them The darkness will make you believe you’re not alone, please don’t listen to it.’
Charlene has a son, Alfie, 10, and a daughter, Florence, eight, with her TV executive partner Andy.
If you have been affected by this story, help is available from the Samaritans on 116 123 or by emailing jo@samaritans.org
