The Apologetic Perfectionist.
That’s how I’ll always remember Ben.
I want to share a story that goes all the way back to the day AEW was first announced.
At the time, I was working for WWE. AEW had made its announcement in a parking lot across the street from where we were doing an event in Jacksonville.
Later that night I snuck out of my hotel to meet up with some friends who just signed with this brand new company. I was so excited for them. There was something special about all of us being in the same city that night.
As we were walking across Jacksonville we ran into a bunch of the guys from 205 Live. Turns out they had snuck out for pretty much the same reason. They wanted to see their friend. Their friend was PAC.
I always thought that was such a funny little moment. Here we were sneaking about Jacksonville, just trying to see our friends. But looking back, what I remember most is how much those guys loved and respected him. These were people who had worked alongside him, traveled with him and shared a locker room with him. And they were going out of their way just to see him.
Years later, I’d get to understand why.
I had the privilege of shooting many of PAC’s promos over the years. From the Death Triangle to the Death Riders. If there was one thing about him, it was that everything had to be perfect. Every word. Every little detail.
If we ever caught him on camera breaking character. He’d make sure that footage never saw the light of day. And then for the next few weeks he’d apologize for it.
“Carlo, I hope you understand. I hope you understand.”
Two weeks ago, we set up a little room to film interviews for Andy’s memorial. Nothing fancy. Just a camera, a chair and a place where everyone could speak from the heart. No characters. Just people talking about someone they loved.
I sat across from Ben as he prepared to speak about Andy.
He came in. He knew exactly what he wanted to say. He sat down, delivered it with an emotion I had never seen from him and then immediately apologized and asked if he could do it one more time.
And then we were sitting across from each other, both crying. He kept apologizing. I kept telling him, “It’s ok. This is all fresh. There’s absolutely nothing to apologize for right now.”
But he just wanted to get it right. He wanted it to be perfect. Not because he cared about how he looked on camera but because he cared so much about the person he was talking about.
I think that’s what I’ll remember most about that moment. Here was a man who spent so much of his career protecting this Bastard of a character of his, sitting in front of a camera trying to find the strength to just be Ben and even when his heart was breaking, he was worried about getting it right. That’s who he was.
I keep going back to that room two weeks ago. Two people sitting across from each other, crying over someone we’d lost. Never in a million years did I imagine I’d be sitting here just two weeks later, trying to find the words to talk about losing him too.
And here I am, sitting here trying to write something perfect about someone who always wanted everything to be perfect. But I don’t think I can.
I wish I could tell you one more time that you have absolutely nothing to apologize for and you were truly perfect. The perfect wrestler, friend and co-worker.
Carlo.
