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Talk about your Hard Times, talk about your Austin 3:16s…Steiner Math says it’s got a 141 2/3 chance of winning any best wrestling promo tournament.
Okay, I’m getting carried away. Dusty Rhodes, Steve Austin, CM Punk, Roddy Piper, and other famous pro wrestlers with the gift of gab have delivered better promos that contained layers of character and feud development. But there’s not a promo that I’ve laughed along with, quoted to friends (and more than a few strangers), rewatched all or a portion of, or just pulled up its Genius page for a refresher more than I have Steiner Math.
TNA was nice enough to let us know that Scott Steiner’s classic turns 18 today (along with a plug for their new subscription deal). That means this clip can vote*!
I always forget how great Lil Poppa Pump/the Maple Leaf Muscle Petey Williams there, trying to follow his mentor’s math in his head before giving up and just accepting Steiner’s genius.
And speaking of Genius… just in case you don’t occasionally cheer yourself up by reading wrestling promos like I do, I have to share the magic of seeing Scott Steiner’s poetically horrible arithmetic in written form:
You know they say that all men are created equal, but you look at me and you look at Samoa Joe and you can see that statement is not true. See, normally if you go one on one with another wrestler, you got a 50/50 chance of winning. But I’m a genetic freak and I’m not normal! So you got a 25%, AT BEST, at beat me. Then you add Kurt Angle to the mix, your chances of winning drastic go down. See the 3 way at Sacrifice, you got a 33 1/3 chance of winning, but I, I got a 66 and 2/3 chance of winning, because Kurt Angle KNOWS he can’t beat me and he’s not even gonna try!
So Samoa Joe, you take your 33 1/3 chance, minus my 25% chance and you got an 8 1/3 chance of winning at Sacrifice. But then you take my 75% chance of winning, if we was to go one on one, and then add 66 2/3 per cents, I got 141 2/3 chance of winning at Sacrifice. See Joe, the numbers don’t lie, and they spell disaster for you at Sacrifice.
* Which personally I’d have no issue with; I trust a piece of digital media’s judgement about as much as I do the average American adult’s these days.
